ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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