he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
