I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
