people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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