Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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