So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
