32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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