She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
