my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
