So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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