I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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