could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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