we're blogging at a bar
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
