6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
