i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
