the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
