you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
