I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
