Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
