after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
