next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
