Kiss
Puke
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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