didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
