her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
