I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
