I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I came so hard my ears popped.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
