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The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
