They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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