I can text with my tongue
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
