This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
