mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
