Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
