Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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