my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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