Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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