I like to think it a success when the cops are called
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
There's always time for handjobs
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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