we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
