Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
