awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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