i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
