do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
