Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
try to milk me bitch
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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