I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
