I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
