Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
