not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
