I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
