So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
