last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
