Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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