Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So I just went to clothing optional bar
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
