she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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