hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
