You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
