the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize
