Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
