sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
