I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
