i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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