So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
