Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
