So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
