I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
