im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Vodka?
Forever.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
