I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
