I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
