nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
