Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
