My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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