The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
