if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just invented taco cereal.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
