The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
