I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
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Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
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I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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