new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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