Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I love you. Go after that dick
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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