your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
