I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Randomize
