i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
