Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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