I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
